From Grrrr to Great.

Here are a few things I don’t like:

• People I work with appropriating my ideas and passing them off as their own.

• The same people publicly mocking me shortly after stealing my ideas.

• Those very same people then admonishing me for not knowing to proceed with my idea, even though my confusion stemmed entirely from my idea being stolen by someone who, I thought, would maintain ownership of said idea, even though doing so would require some actual work.
  

I am filled with hate, and I don't like feeling this way.

This morning, my Daily Inner Peace Card said to focus on inner peace (duh), and reminded me that there are two ways to look at everything - the violent way and the peaceful way. I can choose to be peaceful right now. I can choose to realize that this is a very small moment in the big picture, and that when the world is over, what will really matter are things like:

My family, my pack (Brad and the dogs), my friends.

My health - I'm so lucky.

One day going to Argentina where Brad and I will rock climb and beach (verb) and pet the friendly goats and donkeys. Before eating them. Just kidding.

Being nearly brought to my knees by the beauty of the sunrise this morning, and thinking to myself, "This is my home. I live in this place."


And aside from the momentary work-related yuck, I'll tell you why this day has been otherwise wonderful:

Brad and I woke up at 4:40 and prepared for our fun morning adventures. He went skiing and I went for a medium-length hill run with Arnie and Red, then met the lovely Ms. Fish in the pool. (The nickname stems from her last name as well as the grace with which she moves through the water. Truly inspiring as I paddle and gasp along beside her.) The day remains beautiful, and the light slanting through my window is warm and golden. Tonight, Brad and I have a delicious and healthy dinner planned, as well as pack-time with the boys and a fire.

So now, by the end of this post, I've shifted from, "I'm goddamned done with this, I'm quitting today!" to "Wow, my life is full of so many cool things, and even if work sometimes blows, at lease I have countless other greats (noun) to focus on."

Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk it through.

Arnold in Repose.

This is how it's been for us. And by us, I'm talking about Arnie and me.


We've been kind of sleepy. Lazy. Sick.

Well, by "Arnold and me," I guess I just mean, me, because, really, Arnold seems totally fine. Poor guy can't really walk himself, though, so he's forced to suffer alongside his mama....


Part of it, I think, has to do with the winter feeling fragmented. Skiing has been inconsistent at best, and truthfully, I don't really mind. I've had a few wonderful days out there, but some mornings I wake up and am uninspired. I've been kind of into yoga and CrossFit and climbing, and when I'm sore and tired from those, the thought of skinning up Flag just to get a glimpse of my partners' backs as they drop in is not appealing.

I mean, in some instances, skiing is always awesome. Here in the Wasatch, we are so lucky to have a group of capable, motivated, skilled female skiers always ready to go skiing, always ready for a big day. I find that skiing with my girls almost always appeals to me, even when the thought of skiing with male friends - including Brad - has me hitting snooze and pulling the covers over my head. What is it? Why is it so much easier for me to be a part of a she-ski-group?

Polly and I talked about this a bit the last time we were out. For me, it has something to do with guilt. The guilt of making other people wait for me. The guilt of not being as good as the others. The guilt of not wanting to ski big days all the time, not wanting to ski dangerous lines....And so on.

The thing is, though, my girlfriends are really fast. I'm slower than most of them just as I'm faster than some of my male friends. Likewise, plenty of the men I know love short easy tours, and lots of the women I know want big, steep days everyday. So why have I drawn this line - this arbitrary determination of what is ok and what is not - according to sex? If I were honest with myself, I'd make these decisions based on actual experiences and not just run my mouth about skiing with men. If I were smarter, or maybe just more logical, I'd realize that my fast friends wouldn't call me to go skiing if they didn't mind waiting a few minutes at the top of a climb. I'd realize, maybe, that the guilt is stupid and does nothing but hurt me. It's not productive; it doesn't help the situation.


But it's hard to shake.

The Season's First Dawn Patrol

Today at 5 am I woke up and chugged coffee en route up Big Cottonwood Canyon. Brad and I met a group of friends for some sunrise skinning and skiing. It was inexplicably hard, skinning this morning...I thought I'd be better prepared for the season. It was still fun, though, still worth getting up early and being cold and hussled and hassled outside into the dark, dark morning.

The CrossFit Workout of the Day (WOD) was to run a 5k, so just before dust I took Arnie and Red up to Mill Creek Canyon and we ran along the pipeline trail. The poor guys haven't gotten out much in the past few days, so they were super psyched, prancing along and playing together. I was exhausted and starving (*see below) at the beginning of the run, but after watching the boys, I felt 100% better.

*I was starving because I started the Zone 3 days ago. I'm trying to eat 11 blocks a day, and while part of me wonders if I shouldn't be trying to eat 10 blocks a day, I also feel completely exhausted, totally hungry and grumpy as HELL.

Poor Brad. He didn't ask for this. He probably thought I was a scooch more normal than I am....

The Zone meets the Prescription

Today - the 13th of November - marks Day One of me taking the Zone diet seriously and performing the CrossFit work out of the day (WOD). Even if I'd rather eat tortilla chips and salsa verde and just go run a couple miles in the mountains.


This is it. I'm giving it 2 weeks - the Zone meets CrossFit meets ME. 2 weeks from now I hope to feel some changes.

Today's workout:
3-3-2-2-2-1-1-1 Thruster w/ 50 then 65 lbs.
4-4-3-3-2-2-2 dips
5 pullups and some squats to warm up


It's time to start dreaming about tomorrow.

Michael is tougher than he looks...

Today's workout, Michael, consisted of:
Run 800 m
50 Back Extentions
50 Sit-ups
3 Rounds for time


"No big deal," I thought. "I'll do this after I run a couple miles as a warm up."

I was wrong. Michael is a big, big deal.

It took me 29 minutes - far longer than expected - and I was breaking both the sit-ups and back extentions into sets of 20 by the 3rd round.

CrossFit is at once humbling and inspiring. I love every minute of struggle, every gasped breath....

I kind of wish I had the stamina for 2 workouts a day, but until then, I guess enough is enough.

Today's Workout

Ran 20 minutes to warm up, then did "Cindy:"
5 pull ups
10 push ups
15 Squats
As many rounds as possble in 20 minutes.

I did 12 rounds, which I was very proud of. My first Cindy. I did "girls" push ups, though, and jumping pull ups, so those will have to be cleaed up next time.

I feel it now, 2 hours after the workout, in my arms and legs.

I heart Santa Cruz

If I come upon a windfall of cash, the first thing I'll do is buy Brad land and a well in the Moab area. As much as he wants. Then I'll immediately fly to Santa Cruz and buy a house in this funky, earthy, breathtaking, creative, oceanfront town. There's a reason some of the best mountain bikes in the world come out of this hamlet. Not to mention skateboards and surfboards. And CrossFit. Smooth segue.

I'm in Santa Cruz with my honey for the CrossFit Certification Seminar. When we finish this weekend, we will be CrossFit Level 1 instructors. But that's not why I'm here.

Look: www.crossfit.com

CrossFit is new to both of us. We're both babies, kittens in this community. We have the same history, the same experience, the same base of knowledge, and nothing, NOTHING else in our shared lives is that way. It's exciting and relieving to embark on this new activity together - exciting because there's a world of potential and opportunity, relieving because it's new for him, too. We're learning tihs together, and with our different learning styles, different techniques and different communcation patterns, I think we're set up well to learn a lot together.

Today is Day 2, the final day, of the Certification, and I feel myself wishing it would last for another week.